You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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