How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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