Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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