The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
