Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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