She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
