There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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