any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
