I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
