I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
