My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
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you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
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I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize