I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
