i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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