It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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