I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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