Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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