Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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