That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
