the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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