You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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