I wish I could punch you in the face.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
