I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
