the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
A bitchslap is in order.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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