I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
