My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
