If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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