My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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