I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
