I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
