his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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