I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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