I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
