the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just want nice things and good sex
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
