Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize