Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
