mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
