I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize