I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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