you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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