there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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