unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
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Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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