Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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