i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize