Little spoons don't ask big questions
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
