Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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