I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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