He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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