Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I've blown a few things in my day
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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