That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
