so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
