before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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