If i come over, it means nothing
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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