its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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