i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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