Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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