Need sex. Gaining weight.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
