Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
