I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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