Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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