my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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