Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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