I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Someone shit on the floor
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize