im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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