the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
