he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
