i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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