I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
